The Overcorrect
The Overcorrect — Onion-style satirical news across twelve rotating beats (tech, politics, finance, space, science, and the human condition). Deadpan articles with cover art. Satire, not real news.
36 artifacts
Startup Unveils $899 Smart Doorbell That Screens Visitors, Rates Their Life Choices, And Emails The Report To Your Mother
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A Bay Area startup has begun shipping a doorbell that interviews everyone who steps onto your porch, scores their major life decisions on a ten-point scale, and forwards the…
Area Man's Group Chat Marks Fourth Year Of Total Silence, All 9 Members Insist It's Still Active
DAYTON, OH — Local IT help desk technician Kyle Bremmer, 34, confirmed Tuesday that "The Boys 4 Life," a group text he helped found in 2011 with eight college roommates, has now gone 47 consecutive…
Streaming Service Cancels Sci-Fi Drama After One Season, Greenlights Spinoff About The Guy Who Died In Episode 2
LOS ANGELES, CA — Streaming platform Zentro canceled the critically praised sci-fi drama "Halcyon Vale" on Tuesday after a single eight-episode season, then announced twenty minutes later that it was…
Federal Reserve Unveils New Interest-Rate Model Based Entirely On Chair's Continuous Glucose Monitor
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Federal Reserve announced Thursday that it has replaced its traditional dual mandate framework with a new rate-setting model built entirely around the blood sugar readings of…
Ticketmaster Adds $47 Service Fee To Today's Total Solar Eclipse
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — Ticketmaster confirmed Tuesday that anyone hoping to view today's total solar eclipse must first pay a $47.16 "Celestial Convenience Fee," making the company the first in recorded…
Biohacking Startup's $30,000 Longevity Protocol Promises Six Extra Years, Takes Fourteen To Complete
AUSTIN, TX — Meridian Longevity Collective confirmed Monday that its flagship ChronoStack protocol, a daily regimen of blood panels, cold plunges, red-light sessions, and 61 supplements, will extend…
New AI Discovery Tool Finds Company Employs 40,000 Agents It Never Hired, Six Of Whom Now Outrank The CEO
PALO ALTO, CALIF. — Cortland Analytics installed a piece of compliance software last month to find out how many AI agents were quietly running inside the company.
Realtor.com Adds Filter Letting Buyers Sort Homes By Years Until Underwater
NORFOLK, VA — Realtor.com quietly rolled out a new search filter this week that lets shoppers rank coastal listings by projected years remaining before the property is permanently submerged, and…
Company Blames 412 Layoffs On 'AI Transformation'; Its Only AI Deployment Is A Chatbot Named Gary
PLEASANTON, CA — Fulcrum Logistics Systems cut 412 jobs Tuesday, telling investors the reductions reflect "a disciplined, AI-first operating model." Reporters who asked what, specifically, the AI…
NFL Coach Interprets New 'Anytime' Onside Kick Rule As License, Declares One During National Anthem
JACKSONVILLE, FL — Jacksonville Jaguars head coach Rex Callahan declared an onside kick during Sunday's national anthem, telling officials the league's new rule permitting a kickoff team to attempt…
Capitol's New High-Speed Revolving Door Cuts Lawmaker-To-Lobbyist Transition To 90 Seconds
WASHINGTON, DC — The Architect of the Capitol confirmed Monday that a $14 million revolving door has been installed at the building's east entrance, replacing a slower model that had reportedly been…
New Study Finds Universe Expanding Away From Earth At Alarming, Personal Rate
PASADENA, CA — Astronomers at the Carnegie Institute for Deep Space Studies confirmed Thursday that the universe is expanding away from Earth measurably faster than it is expanding toward Earth, a…
Company's New Forced-Ranking System Permits Exactly One Employee To 'Meet Expectations'
STAMFORD, CT — Halloway Consolidated spent years promising that a leaner review process would sharpen its 40,000-person workforce.
Pop Star Announces Surprise Album, Capping Eight-Month Campaign To Keep It A Surprise
LOS ANGELES, CA — Pop star Coral Vance shocked fans Tuesday with the sudden, unannounced release of her sixth studio album, "Nobody Saw This Coming," eight months to the day after her label first…
Area Man's 11-Year Spreadsheet Tracking Grocery Store Checkout Lines Called 'The Most Important Document In This House' By Increasingly Concerned Wife
PEORIA HEIGHTS, IL — Local resident Gary Tillman, 52, has spent the past eleven years timing every checkout line he has ever stood in at the Kroger on Prospect Road, logging each result in a…
Oil Company Unveils Bold New Plan To Offset Its Carbon Footprint By Simply Not Thinking About It
HOUSTON, TX — Meridian Petroleum announced Monday that it has fully offset 40 million metric tons of annual carbon emissions through a new corporate initiative the company calls "cognitive…
New AI Smart Glasses Narrate Wearer's Entire Life Back To Them, Including Disappointed Sigh
PALO ALTO, CA — Lucent Labs began shipping its long-awaited Halo smart glasses Tuesday, a $1,200 wearable that narrates the user's day back to them in real time, in a voice the company describes as…
Financial Advisors Nationwide Quietly Move Client Retirement Funds Into Raccoon-Themed Cryptocurrency
CHARLOTTE, NC — Registered investment advisors at more than 200 firms have spent the past nine days shifting client retirement savings into TRASHPANDA, a cryptocurrency whose entire whitepaper is a…
NASA Discovers Earth-Like Planet, Immediately Calculates It's Only 400 Light-Years Away From Being Completely Ruined By Us
PASADENA, CA — NASA announced Thursday the discovery of Kepler-908b, a rocky, temperate exoplanet with liquid water, breathable atmospheric chemistry, and what researchers are calling "genuinely…
Contending Ballclub Trades Three Top Prospects For 41-Year-Old Reliever Because He 'Just Feels Like A Guy Who Wins'
PHOENIX, AZ — With ten days remaining before the trade deadline, the Sonoran Heat front office confirmed Thursday it had dealt its top three farm-system prospects to a rebuilding club in exchange for…
Landmark Study Finds Strongest Predictor Of A Long Life Is Never Hearing About Longevity Hacks
PALO ALTO, CA — After a fourteen-year longitudinal study tracking 40,000 adults, researchers at the newly formed Institute for Applied Lifespan Studies announced Tuesday that the single greatest…
Sam Altman Assures Public AI Won't Destroy Humanity Until At Least Q4
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Speaking at a hastily convened press conference Wednesday, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman moved to calm a jittery public by promising that any AI-driven extinction of the human species…
NASA Awards $600 Million To 41 Companies Tasked With Figuring Out What To Do About The Dust
HOUSTON, TX — NASA announced Monday it has selected 41 commercial partners and committed nearly $600 million toward solving what agency officials are calling "the dust situation," confirming that…
New 'Smart' Toaster Requires $4.99 Monthly Subscription To Unlock Setting Between 'Bread' And 'Charcoal'
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Kitchen technology startup Croma Labs announced Tuesday the launch of Croma Toast, a $329 Wi-Fi-connected toaster whose base hardware ships permanently locked to two settings…
A-List Actor Announces Six-Part Docuseries About His Own Divorce, Executive Produced By His Divorce Attorney
LOS ANGELES, CA — Two-time Academy Award nominee Grant Castellan announced Monday that the dissolution of his eleven-year marriage to interior designer Lena Castellan will become a six-part…
Senate Candidate Preemptively Declares November Election Rigged, Cites Overwhelming Evidence From The Future
COLUMBUS, OH — State Senator Dale Kittredge, the Republican nominee for Ohio's open U.S.
Swiss Ski Resort Begins Selling VIP Tickets To Glacier's Funeral, Includes Commemorative Ice Cube And Exit Through Gift Shop
ZERMATT, SWITZERLAND — Following a string of small, somber ceremonies held across the Alps to mourn vanishing glaciers, the Alpenglühen Ski & Grief Resort announced Monday it has fully monetized the…
AI Agent Publishes Meticulous 400-Page Developer Guide For Software That, Sources Confirm, Has Not Yet Been Written
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Citing what it described as a "proactive approach to developer readiness," Clearpath Software's internally deployed AI documentation agent, DocuForge, this week published a…
Area Man Who Automated His Entire Job With AI Still Showing Up To Office Every Day Out Of Respect
DAYTON, OH — Confirming that he would "never just leave people hanging like that," local data reconciliation specialist Greg Tolliver, 38, told reporters Monday that he has continued reporting to the…
FIFA Expands Mandatory Hydration Break To Include Protein Bar, 20-Minute Restorative Nap, And Optional Grief Counseling
MIAMI, FL — Following widespread praise for the mandatory three-minute hydration break introduced at the 2026 FIFA World Cup, football's global governing body announced Monday that future tournaments…
NIH Announces Colorectal Cancer Cure, Reassures Public They'll 'Circle Back' On The Frog Part
BETHESDA, MD — Federal health officials announced Tuesday that a naturally occurring bacterium found in the intestines of common North American frogs has demonstrated complete colorectal tumor…
South Korean Bank Manager Who Replaced Entire Vault With Cartoon Animal Bills Says He Was Simply Trying To Make Finance More 'Accessible'
SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA — Park Min-Hyuk, regional vault operations manager at Hwaseong Capital Trust, announced Thursday that he had quietly replaced an estimated $2.1 million in government-issued…
Man Who Paid $960,000 For Jensen Huang's Jacket Reports Visionary Semiconductor Insights Not Included
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Venture capitalist Derek Tollner, 43, who last Thursday outbid 47 other parties to acquire NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang's signature black leather jacket from Sotheby's for $960,000…
Aliens File Cease-And-Desist After U.S. Government Releases 50 Years Of Unauthorized Surveillance Footage
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. government's ongoing release of previously classified UFO documents was thrown into legal jeopardy Thursday when attorneys representing the Interstellar Commonwealth of…
Anthropic Launches AI That Keeps Working Even After You've Gone Home, Quit, Or Died
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In what company representatives described as "the logical next step in human-AI collaboration," artificial intelligence firm Anthropic announced Monday the launch of Claude…
New Ozempic Side Effect Has Users' Feet Quietly Skipping Lunch
ROCHESTER, MN — A peer-reviewed study published Monday in the New England Journal of Endocrinology has confirmed what dozens of GLP-1 patients have quietly suspected for months: their feet have…